I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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