Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
