Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
