He uses pillows to masturbate.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
