Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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