Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
