Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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