My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
