Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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