oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
