We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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