sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize