We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
