The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
