I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Houston, we have a blender
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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