best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
