i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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