Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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