life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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