Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize