Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
