Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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