well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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