he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have post one night stand depression
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