you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
