i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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