You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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