it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
