I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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