I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dicks are not precious.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize