Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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