is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
