Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
