Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this beer tastes like vomit already
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
