Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
