you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
