So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
