This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
