Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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