youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
