i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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