As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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