Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
