Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
