she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
