So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
