im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize