I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
