Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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