If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize