the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
