Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
