We're facebook friends in real life
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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