Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
