is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
