Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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