Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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