I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
