He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
