Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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