My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
...so i touched it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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