he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
