feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
